Continuing the MFKs of my favorite things, this week I bring you Family Guy with commentary from my good friend and fellow writer Matthew Dunlap!
Guys: Peter, Brian, Stewie
Peter - Fuck. Honestly, the only reason I picked fuck is because I couldn't put up with his shennanigans for marriage, and I already figured out who I was going to kill.
Brian - Marry. He's pretty intelligent even if he can get douchy at times whenever he enjoys even the slightest bit of success. If he ever got under my skin too much, I could just call animal control and nip that shit in the bud. Let's not forget that golden singing voice and the fact that he's into big band music.
Stewie - Kill. We see what happens to Stewie in the future. A thirty something virgin working a dead end job living with childhood teddy bear (hey...wasn't that the plot of Ted minus the virgin part, hehe). Sorry Stewie. You had potential, but you totally failed in your attempts for world domination, and I'm a power hungry bitch.
Girls: Lois, Meg, Bonnie
Lois - Fuck. Lois was wild and crazy in her bygone days, and we've seen it doesn't take much for her to get that back. I mean KISS referred to her as "loose Lois." You would never be bored in bed with her, and if you can get your hands on a time machine or make friends with Death you get to experience 18 year old Lois. Hawt!
Meg - Kill. I don't really think I even need to explain this.
Bonnie - Marry. Bonny can put up with a lot of shit. She's been married to Joe so she's had to take care of someone physically handicapped for a long time. She would be an awesome wife and totally appreciate it if you had the use of your legs.
Matt's Take
Peter - Fuck. I can't tolerate his shennanigans for too long.
Brian - Marry. We'll have good times smoking pot and drinking at upscale jazz bars.
Stewie - Kill. I don't trust life with him and he's proven to be a terrible lay.
Lois - Marry. She's a housewife through and through.
Meg - Kill. Just ew.
Bonnie - Fuck. She would be a tiger in the bedroom with all that pend up sexual desire.
Showing posts with label MFK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MFK. Show all posts
Friday, January 25, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
MFK - Final Fantasy VII
I figured it was time to do an MFK of my all time favorite thing in the universe. Fellow blogger Kat McIntyre of Rants on Unicorns and Spaceships fame may chime in!
Guys: Cloud, Vincent, Sephiroth
Girls: Tifa, Yuffie, Aeris
Guys:
Cloud - Kill. Sorry Cloud you didn't become a useful human being until after the girl you were supposed to protect was killed right in front of you. Then you went into heroic BSOD for a while and let your other love interest handle things. Hell, even after she was killed Aeris did way more than you ever could. You're kinda cute, but you have to die. Sorry.
Vincent - Marry. Poor Vincent...the woman you loved was used for a sick experiment by an even sicker mad scientist then you had your arm cut off and were locked in a coffin beneath the Shinra Mansion for what 30 years? And you STILL love her?! You don't find that kind of devotion every day, plus you're a pretty goth boy sort of vampire/werewolf thing, which was okay before Twilight ruined everything.
Sephiroth - Sweet merciful Cthulhu FUCK FUCK FUCK and then FUCK some more. Not only did one of the songs associate with you just come on my iPhone (Chasing the Storm) because the universe just KNOWS, but oh my God...I can't even. I wouldn't even have the muscle control to fall to my knees; I would just fall over. I would be like when Dean Pelton saw Jeff wearing aviators and just laid there convulsing and screaming "Look at his shadow!" I am so lucky that no one in real life is actually that beautiful because I would be done. My life would equal over. I don't even care about the insanity. That just makes it better.
Girls:
Tifa - Fuck. She has an awesome rack and is a martial artist. Sounds like a phenomenal romp.
Yuffie - Kill. You annoyed the crap out of me Yuffie. I had no use for you at all.
Aeris - Marry. Um, she's "heiress" to the Planet (yeah...I know her name was supposed to be "Aerith," which is still an anagram for "I Earth," don't get sassy!) and was the most powerful person in the entire game (think about it for a moment). She managed to save everyone even after or rather because she was martyred, which is the point where all of you "Phoenix Down" people need to shut the hell up. Dying in game because you get killed by an enemy is far different from dying as a plot point. Think about it as if it were a novel. Gah, this will turn into a rant really soon if I keep it up. Suffice it to say I'm attracted to power.
Kat McIntyre's Take.
Guys:
Cloud - Kill. He gets kinda wangsty at times and with how big that buster sword is, he's obviously overcompensating.
Vincent - Marry. He had excellent fashion taste (come on, who doesn't love that red cloak). Besides, he's quiet and aloof, just the way I like 'em.
Sephiroth - Fuck. Come on, who doesn't want to take a tumble with a bad boy?
Girls:
Yuffie - Marry. Yes, I'm probably the only person on the planet who'd pick her, but I loved Yuffie. Tiny, hyper, ninja chick.
Tifa - Fuck. She's the bangable girl next door! Who wouldn't give that a go.
Aeris - Kill. Sorry Aeris, but you're going to end up as Lifestream stew.
Guys: Cloud, Vincent, Sephiroth
Girls: Tifa, Yuffie, Aeris
Guys:
Cloud - Kill. Sorry Cloud you didn't become a useful human being until after the girl you were supposed to protect was killed right in front of you. Then you went into heroic BSOD for a while and let your other love interest handle things. Hell, even after she was killed Aeris did way more than you ever could. You're kinda cute, but you have to die. Sorry.
Vincent - Marry. Poor Vincent...the woman you loved was used for a sick experiment by an even sicker mad scientist then you had your arm cut off and were locked in a coffin beneath the Shinra Mansion for what 30 years? And you STILL love her?! You don't find that kind of devotion every day, plus you're a pretty goth boy sort of vampire/werewolf thing, which was okay before Twilight ruined everything.
Sephiroth - Sweet merciful Cthulhu FUCK FUCK FUCK and then FUCK some more. Not only did one of the songs associate with you just come on my iPhone (Chasing the Storm) because the universe just KNOWS, but oh my God...I can't even. I wouldn't even have the muscle control to fall to my knees; I would just fall over. I would be like when Dean Pelton saw Jeff wearing aviators and just laid there convulsing and screaming "Look at his shadow!" I am so lucky that no one in real life is actually that beautiful because I would be done. My life would equal over. I don't even care about the insanity. That just makes it better.
Girls:
Tifa - Fuck. She has an awesome rack and is a martial artist. Sounds like a phenomenal romp.
Yuffie - Kill. You annoyed the crap out of me Yuffie. I had no use for you at all.
Aeris - Marry. Um, she's "heiress" to the Planet (yeah...I know her name was supposed to be "Aerith," which is still an anagram for "I Earth," don't get sassy!) and was the most powerful person in the entire game (think about it for a moment). She managed to save everyone even after or rather because she was martyred, which is the point where all of you "Phoenix Down" people need to shut the hell up. Dying in game because you get killed by an enemy is far different from dying as a plot point. Think about it as if it were a novel. Gah, this will turn into a rant really soon if I keep it up. Suffice it to say I'm attracted to power.
Kat McIntyre's Take.
Guys:
Cloud - Kill. He gets kinda wangsty at times and with how big that buster sword is, he's obviously overcompensating.
Vincent - Marry. He had excellent fashion taste (come on, who doesn't love that red cloak). Besides, he's quiet and aloof, just the way I like 'em.
Sephiroth - Fuck. Come on, who doesn't want to take a tumble with a bad boy?
Girls:
Yuffie - Marry. Yes, I'm probably the only person on the planet who'd pick her, but I loved Yuffie. Tiny, hyper, ninja chick.
Tifa - Fuck. She's the bangable girl next door! Who wouldn't give that a go.
Aeris - Kill. Sorry Aeris, but you're going to end up as Lifestream stew.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
MFK Zodiac Style
MFK or Marry, Fuck, Kill is an old concept that I just found out about thanks to fellow blogger Kat McIntyre (check the blogginess here. Tis awesome.) and now I can't stop thinking about it. This one is for the Zodiac/Astrological signs broken up by element (Earth, Air, Fire, Water for the uninitiated). I'll give my take on which one's I'd marry, fuck or kill, and I'd be delighted with other views to the same.
***Please do not take any of this to heart if your sign got axed. If you're my friend I love you regardless of what insanity the stars instilled in your brain. This is just my general take. K, am I good? I'm good.***
Earth - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Taurus - Marry. Tauruses are AWESOME! We (yes, I said WE) love beauty and comfort, sensuality and order. We are rockstar with money, have fifty contingency plans for everything, and if shit gets too intense we nap until everything calms down. I thankfully get along famously with the other members of my sign regardless of their gender. While we may be stubborn, we always have the best interests at heart :)
Virgo - Fuck. Come on their shameless narcissists for a reason! Also non-confrontational so if you ask them to do something, they probably won't fight you on it.
Capricorn - Kill. My way or the highway? Mmkay, go get run over.
Fire - Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Aries - Marry. You crazy mofos. Life would never be boring with your spastic, frenetic energy, and if it got too intense I'd just hide someplace and take a nap. Besides Tauruses I get along with Aries best. Plus the name of your sign is an anagram for "Aeris" and "Aesir," which my kingdom of nerd is pretty damn kickass.
Leo - Fuck. If Aries are spastic awesome, then Leos are crazy awesome. Best people to get into bed.
Sagittarius - Kill. Sorry guys. I can't deal with the bluntness usually directed at something that needs a delicate touch.
Water - Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio
Pisces - Kill kill and double kill. I cannot take the wishy-washy whining that seems to be a staple of your sign. The dearth of logic makes my head pound. I'm very emotional, but I can temper that with good old common sense, and I also don't make important decisions when I'm a basket case. It's never a good idea. I could talk about Pisces for a while, but then this post would turn into a rant.
Cancer - Marry. Out of all of the water signs I'd tie the knot with Cancer. Water and earth really don't mix (you get mud, bleh), and Cancers tend to be very emotional with quick mood changes, but I'm also a big empath so I can usually tell when the tidal wave is going to hit and can make myself scarce (nap time anyone?).
Scorpio - Fuck. Yes...I know I am married to a Scorpio in reality, and dear lord are they super secretly emotional. At least with Cancers it's all out in the open. With a Scorpio you're all like, "Holy shit you feel that way? Are you serious? Why didn't you--oh super secret, gotcha..." But Scorpios happen to be the opposite sign to Taurus and some of their super secrets aren't all that bad.
Air - Aquarius, Gemini, Libra
Aquarius - Definitely marry. Aquarius's are highly intelligent and all about facts, facts, facts. This fits well with my Taurus figures, figures, figures. I can have long conversations with an Aquarius, and while they, too, can be blunt (I'm looking at you Sagittarius), their bluntness is more geared toward how things just are and less about kicking you in the feels.
Gemini - Sorry Gemini I have to kill you. You're so up in the air sometimes that you miss that you're saying very hurtful things even when it's obvious it's upsetting, even when I'm telling you to stop. You're not my least favorite sign at all, but I had to pick one air to die and well, it's you. No hard feelings? Just turn the other cheek.
Libra - Fuck. Libra is my moon sign and also ruled by Venus, and I'm all about the beauty!
***Please do not take any of this to heart if your sign got axed. If you're my friend I love you regardless of what insanity the stars instilled in your brain. This is just my general take. K, am I good? I'm good.***
Earth - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Taurus - Marry. Tauruses are AWESOME! We (yes, I said WE) love beauty and comfort, sensuality and order. We are rockstar with money, have fifty contingency plans for everything, and if shit gets too intense we nap until everything calms down. I thankfully get along famously with the other members of my sign regardless of their gender. While we may be stubborn, we always have the best interests at heart :)
Virgo - Fuck. Come on their shameless narcissists for a reason! Also non-confrontational so if you ask them to do something, they probably won't fight you on it.
Capricorn - Kill. My way or the highway? Mmkay, go get run over.
Fire - Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Aries - Marry. You crazy mofos. Life would never be boring with your spastic, frenetic energy, and if it got too intense I'd just hide someplace and take a nap. Besides Tauruses I get along with Aries best. Plus the name of your sign is an anagram for "Aeris" and "Aesir," which my kingdom of nerd is pretty damn kickass.
Leo - Fuck. If Aries are spastic awesome, then Leos are crazy awesome. Best people to get into bed.
Sagittarius - Kill. Sorry guys. I can't deal with the bluntness usually directed at something that needs a delicate touch.
Water - Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio
Pisces - Kill kill and double kill. I cannot take the wishy-washy whining that seems to be a staple of your sign. The dearth of logic makes my head pound. I'm very emotional, but I can temper that with good old common sense, and I also don't make important decisions when I'm a basket case. It's never a good idea. I could talk about Pisces for a while, but then this post would turn into a rant.
Cancer - Marry. Out of all of the water signs I'd tie the knot with Cancer. Water and earth really don't mix (you get mud, bleh), and Cancers tend to be very emotional with quick mood changes, but I'm also a big empath so I can usually tell when the tidal wave is going to hit and can make myself scarce (nap time anyone?).
Scorpio - Fuck. Yes...I know I am married to a Scorpio in reality, and dear lord are they super secretly emotional. At least with Cancers it's all out in the open. With a Scorpio you're all like, "Holy shit you feel that way? Are you serious? Why didn't you--oh super secret, gotcha..." But Scorpios happen to be the opposite sign to Taurus and some of their super secrets aren't all that bad.
Air - Aquarius, Gemini, Libra
Aquarius - Definitely marry. Aquarius's are highly intelligent and all about facts, facts, facts. This fits well with my Taurus figures, figures, figures. I can have long conversations with an Aquarius, and while they, too, can be blunt (I'm looking at you Sagittarius), their bluntness is more geared toward how things just are and less about kicking you in the feels.
Gemini - Sorry Gemini I have to kill you. You're so up in the air sometimes that you miss that you're saying very hurtful things even when it's obvious it's upsetting, even when I'm telling you to stop. You're not my least favorite sign at all, but I had to pick one air to die and well, it's you. No hard feelings? Just turn the other cheek.
Libra - Fuck. Libra is my moon sign and also ruled by Venus, and I'm all about the beauty!
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