Point of View

A few weeks ago I was driven near mad by something I just couldn't fathom.  I wanted to know how cats see the world when their pupils are all thin and slivery.  Is it like they're constantly looking through a crack in a wall or a slit in a picket fence?  I had no idea so I brought it to Facebook, but I don't think I was understood.  One response suggested that I purchase cat eye contact lenses (which I'm planning to do anyway for other reasons), but even if I were to do so I'm still seeing the world through a circle whereas felines view it through a thorn.  This conundrum also affected the story I'm working on, Northern Lights, although I was able to cleverly sidestep the question in narrative, it still bothered me intrinsically.  It also didn't help that I'd changed my work desktop background to Grumpy Cat so every time I booted up I was forced to stare at her near luminescent green eyes with slit pupils in her trademark, irritated face.  I've always been good at point of view and empathy, but this seemed beyond even my skill.

Then one day at work I was helping out my friend Andrew on something or other and I mentioned that he should look at the column highlighted in pink.  His response was something along the lines of "Which column are you talking about?" and that's when I remembered that Andrew is colorblind, like totes colorblind, green is pink and down is tooth-fairy.  I can't make this stuff up.  I had to pause for a moment because then I remembered the concept of qualia.  I first learned about this from VSauce on YouTube (and you should totally click those links, because this stuff is just fascinating).  It's complicated and philosophical, but what can be easily taken is that you can never understand how someone else sees the world.  Essentially, you are alone in your experiences and that makes one feel both very humble and very lonely.  Even with the words of a thousand tongues, it's not possibly to convey exactly what you're seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, or tasting nor is it possible for you know what someone else see, hears, smells, feels or tastes.  Because we can only live in our own heads, we can never know how someone else experiences reality.  As a writer this should seriously bother me, because that's what we constantly strive to do, but understanding the antithesis is very useful, because knowing the limitation is liberating; it doesn't have to be a flaw.

Recalling the concept of qualia brought me such peace of mind.  There is absolutely no way I can ever know how a cat sees the word with constricted pupils, just like I can never know how someone who's color blind sees the color orange.  Maybe my concept of orange is really wrong and what I'm actually seeing as orange is purple, but because the majority of the world sees and agrees that orange looks that particular way that's what we call it.  But there's a chance an alien species will come here and declare, "Nah brah, that's purple" and which one of us will be wrong.  This isn't even scratching the surface that we can only see a minute fraction of the visible spectrum, which means were not even on the level of the bees.  Not being able to know is a comfort, because it means I can stop driving myself crazy in wondering about this impossible point of view.

My Adventures in Editing a Paranormal Romance Novel: What I've Learned from Critiques/Reviews

I've been trying to be more attentive to this blog, since I seem to get so caught up in life that I often neglect it.  I'm happy to say that I've written two book reviews in the past month, and although I've always known that reading makes one a better writer, I'm also finding that critiquing makes me more critical of my own work in a beneficial way.

I just now posted a review of Brandon Sanderson's first Mistborn novel, and one of my biggest issues with the story was how much the author told instead of showed.  Because I discovered this paradigm in another, it's causing me to turn a more critical eye to The Serpent's Tale and wonder if there are more instances of this phenomenon that I can cut out in my next edit.  Am I making sure I'm showing what the characters are like through dialogue and action rather than just telling what they're like?  I know for a fact that Maya often remarks both internally and aloud on Uriel's strength, but in the wake of seeing this in Mistborn, I want to ensure that I'm not falling into the show vs. tell trap.

I think an even more important observation is the harsh review I gave of the first Mortal Instruments.  I was disappointed in that book for a variety of reasons.  One, I really, REALLY want to find a novel based on fanfiction that is favorably received by a sizable portion of the population, but I have yet to see this occur.  This..is a bit discouraging since my novel is based on a fanfiction I wrote back in the year 2000, and it would be nice to see some validation of such a paradigm while I'm still in the editing stages.  Unfortunately, nearly every novel I've seen that can claim such (50 Shades of Gray, Mortal Instruments) has such glaring issues that I can't call such a claim anything positive.  Of course it's possible that there are novels out there that don't promote this as their claim to fame, but this presents the problem of assumption.  There are many stories I can see parallels in, but I never want to assume that perhaps it's based on something I've read, viewed, or played, because, well I find random and weird connections in everything.  I could begin a conversation course that would end in Death of the Author versus Word of God, but you should already how I'd arrive at that crossroad.  Of course perhaps the novels not making their fanfic base a claim to fame is a good thing and maybe the authors are assuming or targeting their works towards an audience that is clever enough to figure this out themselves without needing it advertised.

Besides the above, Mortal Instruments presented a critique that I desperately want to avoid in my paranormal romance novel.  I absolutely hated the character of Jace, the bad boy (initial) love interest.  He was a complete jackass and douche whom I had no attraction to at all.  I was discussing this with a friend and we decided that you want a character to be a "bad boy," but not a "bad guy."  Essentially, you want to pull off the bad boy status without making the character just an asshole.  They need to show redeeming qualities even before the big reveal as to why the character is a bad boy after all (because you know there HAS to be a reason) aka the character should have a show multiple layers that keeps the reading interested and wondering why they're putting on this veneer of douchebaggery.  But you don't want your reader to hate the character even if the main female lead does or isn't sure.  It's a definite balancing act.  Even worse than Jace is of course anything pertaining to Twilight (cries tiny tears) and I want NO association with that at all.  It's bad enough just mentioning the term "paranormal romance" usually garners it as a response because apparently it's become the paragon of what paranormal romance is.

Fellow writers and intelligent thinkers this HAS to be changed, but this shows that even faulty writing has merit.  It stands as an example of what not to do and how to improve your own works.  It's also encouraging to realize that a novel doesn't have to be perfect to be published as long as the right representation is discovered and convinced.

Start Trek Into Darkness: On the Squee

Be warned this is less of a review of the movie and more of me fangirling over Benedict Cumberbatcch.  There are also spoilers.  You have been warned. 

With that being said OH MY GOD.  Words cannot express what that man has done to me just by looking at him.  I can't explain what is happening to my body.  Benedict plays the gorgeous villain John Harrison who is actually revealed to be the infamous Khan, the pinnacle of perfection in humanity so profound that he has transcended the bonds of that mundane state to become something so much better.  That pale, flawless skin, those endless green eyes, that otherwordly beauty, that insane strength, that unwavering purpose and need for vengeance against those who did him wrong ahhhh *shivers* Let it be known that everything I just stated describes every fangirl crush I have ever had.  I just...can't even deal with this. 

Following discussions with my husband (who is VERY understanding of all of my fictional crushes) it was determined that Khan was just bad from the beginning, which I find it difficult to accept, because true beauty and true evil just do not mesh.  There is ALWAYS an excuse.  Be that as it may, I believe he was utterly entitled to his wrath, but not his actions.  He was created only to be used by humanity, and when they found out he was "broken," they banished him and others like him, cryogenically freezing them because they didn't want to be burdened with the responsibility of their actions.  When Admiral Marcus wakes him up in order to help him develop weapons of war by using his own crew/family as hostages, Khan understandably responds in kind because he's ruthless, calculating, and doesn't give a shit about humanity.  Yes, he's manipulative, but he was also manipulated...he's just far better at in than humankind, which as usual does something to further their own interests and then acts surprised when it turns on them.  You reap what you sow, and if you reap in lust for power and hatred, you will sow in pain.

I don't wish this to turn into a rant about how much I hate humanity, so I will go on to say I am very happy I have a fellow fangirl to swoon over Benedict with.  I've never seen anyone real so gorgeous.  He does almost look alien he's that beauteous like nothing on this earth could ever be that lovely.  Those eyes with their long catty corners, those insanely high cheekbones, ahhh, I'm finished.  If you ever have the ill luck to be in the theater with me during Into Darkness I apologize in advance, but I'm not really sorry.

Added bonus.

How to Be a Badass Supervillain:

1.  Be unbelievably gorgeous.  Your beauty needs to be otherwordly and like nothing common mortals have ever seen.  Your skin needs to be flawless; your features should be the epitome of perfection, and  your eyes and eye color should be not of this world.  Something that people will never forget; something that will make them freeze in place when you look at them.  This leads into...

2.  Be godlike.  You can be a god, an angel, or a human plus.  Something better than man (not that that's saying much).  It really doesn't matter so long as you have the ability to back up...

3.  Be arrogant and confident beyond anything humanely possible.  Perfect the art of the intense stare. Learn how not to blink.  It will confirm that you are "something else," something better than a mere human.  Know that whatever comes out of your mouth will be obeyed instantly without question, because you are just that boss.  Also...

4.  Have a voice that will make all the pathetic commoners tremble where they stand.  It should be low, baritone, and commanding of purpose.  Supervillains with high squeaky voices do not go very far in the world and are generally considered laughing stocks or at best common villains.  You must sound the part and look the part, therefore...

5.  Obtain a long coat if you do not have one immediately.  There is nothing hotter than all of the above standing in utter arrogance and self-assurance with a long coat blowing in the wind.  Humanity will know that finally someone worthy has come to conquer them.

Also note that all of the above rules will also work if you want women to rip of their clothes and throw their panties at you.  Supervillain and irresistible sex symbol are essentially the same thing in the world of being a fangirl.

Things I Learned from FFVII

I had an awesome amazing FFVII dream last night...one that would leave me covering my face and giggling in the corner, and before you pervs start thinking your pervy thoughts, I'm a fangirl and it doesn't take much for me to cover my face and giggle in the corner.  It's not surprising really though.  I spent a good portion of the night posting FFVII memes and looking through my Pinterest boards.  In less than a month I've discovered that as much of a fangirl as I am, I am nowhere NEAR as crazy as some of the people on the interwebs.  I also read a few pages of my book on the Qabalah, which is all about the Tree of Life and Holy Sephiroth, etc.  Besides the simple fact of I think about FFVII ALL THE TIME.  It's the inspiration for my life and writing, and as such, it's always in my head to some degree.  After I woke up I starting compiling a mental list of all the things I learned from that game, and realized I'd have to write this down before it was forgotten.  I am almost positive that there will be more; my thoughts just haven't become cohesive around all of them yet.

1.  Don't screw with the planet - Years ago before really bad shit happened I used to care a LOT about the environment, animal rights, etc.  Then I stopped, then I played FFVII and holy shit I cared again.  It was a revival/awakening in my brain.  This stuff REALLY matters so today I am an avid and outspoken activist.  I (attempt to) lay the verbal smackdown on people who deny global warming and I have a general disdain cum hatred of humanity.  Honestly, playing FFVII when you hate humanity is a terrible idea.  You want everyone to fucking burn.  The thought of it just increases my loathing.  Humans fuckiing suck and if some kind of cataclysm wiped us all out, I can't really say we didn't deserve it.  There is no goddamn excuse for our terrible behavior, no saving grace for why we can't get our heads out of our asses.  The information is there, but no one wants to face it or listen to it because it forces us to change out of our comfort zone, do something we don't want to do, be transformed by the truth...but the consequences of inaction or too dire and too terrible to conceive.  However, the MUST be not only be conceived, but expected and anticipated, because there is no amount of denial or blindness that will make the inevitable go away.  If the earth just decided to say "Fuck all of you, I'm done," I would not blame it for one instant.

2.  Look below the surface; take nothing at face value - Things are rarely what they seem and seldom what you expect them to be.  The dark tragedy of the game is that nearly everyone is a victim of greed and corruption perpetuated by fucking humanity.  I studied psychology and literature in college and grad school and have always had an eye for the abstract, but FFVII really showed me you have to look beyond the seeming because things are rarely as straightforward as they appear, and there are so many hidden levels and nuances that play a role in all happenstance.  Nor should you ever trust what people say without knowing the reason why they're saying it and knowing the source of their knowledge.  It taught me to (literally) be the devil's advocate, to try to find a reason behind the terrible things that people do, because I truly think that only by understand how and why an individual arrives at a particular place will you ever be able to possibly stop terrible things from happening.  Again, turning a blind eye is not going to aid us, and all of those saying they don't care why people do evil just that they do evil are hiding themselves from the truth.  It's easy to say that someone is evil; it is much harder to say why they are.  The general consensus is that they just are, but I find that unacceptable.  FFVII made me not just accept the Word of God, but rather revel in the Death of the Author , because once a work has been released to the public, it is fair game, and nothing the creator really says/does can dissuade or dismiss what is there, even if they don't see it themselves (Yes...I as a writer am also subject to this.  Quite an annoyance, but that doesn't make it any less true).

3. You reap what you sow - You cannot expect something good to come out of horror, corruption, and abuse.  I have read stories that subvert this trope (Sword of Truth for example), but I find this to be generally miraculous and even so the character usually fights against some inner demon of darkness that was sown at their birth.

4.  Mommy issues will really fuck you up - Again not something that I didn't already know, but holy wow microcosm/macrocosm since the creator of FFVII lost his mother in the midst of the game's production, and uh, that certain trickled down into the story.  Nothing is conceived in a vacuum.  I took a class called New Historicism that insisted upon this fact.  In it we looked at works along side what era the author was writing in in addition to what their station in life/state of mind was at the time.  It matters...it most certainly matters, and while the author may be dead at the stories entrance into the public discourse his or her environment at the inception and creation never ceases to resonate.  All of the mommy issues.  ALL OF THEM.  But to be serious...this verified and validated that you can take something absolutely terrible and use it to make something influential, something amazing, something that will endure.  A story that people are still talking about, still arguing about, still writing about, still fame warring about and still being inspired by after more than a decade and a half.  In this world where websites and memes endure nearly as long as the life of a mayfly, that span of time is likened to eternity.  Pain not only makes us all kin, but I have found no better inspiration or driving force for any making.  The most beautiful songs are always the saddest and the most brooding part of Gothic culture rests on the notion that sad things can be beautiful.  People who don't understand this always want the happy ending even when the sad or the bittersweet would be a far better fit.

All of the Fandoms. ALL OF THEM.

I know. I know...I haven't updated in a while.  I've just been BURIED in paperwork.  Really though, I've honestly been so tangled in editing, swapping, and beta-ing along with all of the other insanity in my life that I've neglected my little ol' blog, and this isn't really the post I wanted to do.  I have a list of things I want to writeabout.  Reviews, rants, MFKs, comparisons (yeah yeah, I'm meta-blogging; leave me alone), but alas that will not be done today. Today I'm going to make a list of all of the fandoms I am in.  ALL OF THEM.  FYI they're stacked.  So for example, I'm not only a fan of Doctor Who, but a fan of the 10th doctor.  Please feel free to leave comments talking about all of the fandoms you are in if you so wish.  We can geek out and squee together.  I'm always down for that.

Chances are I'm not going to name every single fandom I participate in because my memory is shit and I'm going to forget at least one.

Final Fantasy
-Final Fantasy VII
-Sephiroth
-Sephiroth & Aeris fanfic parings

Avengers
-Loki
-Tom Hiddleston

Sherlock
-Benedict Cumberbatch

Family Guy
-Stewie
-Seth McFarlane

American Dad
-Roger

Doctor Who
-10th Doctor
-David Tennant
-The Daleks

Community
-Abed
-Troy and Abed
-Joel McHale
-Alison Brie

Dexter

Lord of the Rings

Grumpy Cat

Star Trek
-Captain Picard
-Patrick Stewart

The Resolution Revolution

Tis the time of the year (the beginning?) where everyone is a resolutionist.  It's when we decide that we sucked way too hard the last 365 days and something needs to happen to change that.  Since I've been making the necessary steps to lose weight and since I quit smoking several years ago, I decided I'd make one simple promise to myself: finish what I've started.

Way too many projects have been left by the wayside.  Far too many series have yet to be finished and I dare no mention how many video games have remained unended.  And since I like making lists here it is!

1.  Finish watching Doctor Who - I kinda stopped at the beginning of season 5 because one, I was pouty that David Tennant had been replaced with Matt Smith, and two, I had just received the absolute WORST beta review from the world's biggest douche bag.

2.  Various and sundry books - I've been really neglecting this and it's very sad.  I used to read close to 50 books a year.  Now I'm lucky if I read 10.  Let's split the difference and go for 25.

3.  Finish Final Fantasy VII - OMG *shock and awe from the populace*  Yes...I've never finished FFVII.  It's ironic...I'm aware.  I have seen the ending; I've just never finished it myself. 

4.  Finish editing The Serpent's Tale - Most important thing EVER!  As much as I was uber annoyed with myself for not catching a lot of stuff the first ten times around, I'm trying to be nice to myself with this one, especially owing to something that happened near the end of last year.

This list is no exclusive and most certainly not complete.  I may add to it or I may just start another blog post.  Haven't decided yet, but as you all know I do what I want.

Meta What?

I realized this yesterday and immediately texted my husband who is the long-suffering recipient of my random insanity.  He puts up with my bullshit.  How could I not love him? 

I recently wrote the essay entitled Final Fantasy VII Revelations, which stated the game is a metaphor for Revelations, but then I realized that Revelations itself is a metaphor.  So FFVII is a metaphor of a metaphor.  It's a...META-METAPHOR!  We are the film.  The film is us.  The deleted scenes are the movie and the movie is the deleted scenes.  The very blog post itself is meta, as it is a blog post about a blog post that was discussing a metaphor about a metaphor. 

Those goosebumps you have...they'll go away eventually.